St. Stephen Catholic Church
Bereavement Ministry

Dear Heavenly Father, please hear our prayers;

Bless those who rest in Your precious heart, forgive their sins and welcome them into Your kingdom. Grant peace to those of us “left behind” for now. Give us strength and understanding in this most difficult hour of separation. Open our hearts to Your unending love & forgiveness and help us to remember Your promise of eternal life. Amen.

  FUNERALS          GRIEF SUPPORT         PRAYERS        

FUNERALS

Q.  We have just experienced the loss of a loved one…what do we do?

 A.      1.  Prepare to make decisions regarding the funeral arrangements.

     A good place to start is in reviewing the funeral preferences of the

     Catholic Church (see below). 

2.  Contact the Church – Bernadette Kalle at 689-4900.   

3.  Contact the Funeral Home (see “Local Funeral Homes” listed below).   

4.    The St. Stephen Bereavement Ministry will be calling you after

     receiving notification from the church to offer support and planning

     based on your decisions regarding the funeral arrangements you have

     selected.

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Q. What is the funeral preference of the Catholic Church?

First Preference: Funeral rites with the Body present

            The Church holds up as normative the rites contained in its ritual book The Order of Christian Funerals.    Normally these rites include: a Vigil Service celebrated in the funeral home or the church, the Funeral Liturgy itself, and the Rite of Committal of the body at the cemetery.   Despite being valuable expressions of faith, the rosary and other traditions are not to replace the Vigil for the Deceased.  However, it would be acceptable that these devotions are celebrated in addition to the Vigil Service.

            It is the Church's preference that the body of the deceased be present for the Vigil Service.  In addition, the body of the deceased should be brought to the local parish church for the Funeral mass.  Funeral Masses are not permitted in funeral homes or cemetery chapels.

            The Rite of Committal of the body normally takes place at the cemetery although the committal can be done at the end of the Funeral Mass.  The body of the deceased is to be interred, either in the ground or in a crypt following the Funeral Mass.

Second Preference: Funeral rites with the body present and cremation afterwards

            When the choice has been made to cremate a body, it is recommended that the cremation take place after the Funeral Liturgy.  In this case, the Vigil for the Deceased and related rites and prayers should be celebrated in the presence of the body.   Then, the body should be brought to the parish church for the Funeral Liturgy with cremation taking place afterwards.

            After cremation of the body, the cremated remains should be committed for burial according to the Order of Christian Funerals.    The cremated remains should be treated with the same respect given to the human body.  Therefore, they should be buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium (but not a common/communal columbarium).   This is the reverent disposition of the cremated remains that the Church requires.

Third Preference: Funeral rites with the cremated remains present.

            While the Church has granted the celebration of the Funeral Liturgy, including Mass, in the presence of the cremated remains of the deceased it is considered the least desirable of the options.   The Church strongly prefers that the body of the deceased be present for its funeral rites since the presence of the body clearly recalls the life and death of the person.

            Realizing that the practice of cremation is being chosen for a variety of reasons, including economy and practicality, often cremation has occurred before the funeral rites.   When this does happen, the Vigil for the deceased may be celebrated in the presence of the cremated remains.  Likewise, the cremated remains may be brought to church for the celebration of the Funeral Mass.

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Q.  What is the church position regarding cremation?

A.  The practice of burying the body goes back to early Christian times.  For centuries cremation was expressly forbidden in the Church because of the belief that the body is the temple of the Holy Sprit, as well as the belief in the resurrection of the body.  Cremation was seen as a pagan practice that denied the doctrine of the Resurrection

In 1963, the Vatican lifted the ban on cremation for Catholics.  In doing so, the Church allowed cremation in certain circumstances provided the reasons for choosing it did not counter Christian belief.

However, no allowances were made for any prayer or rituals to be used with the cremated remains.  This meant all funeral services were to occur in the presence of the body, with cremation taking place afterwards.

On March 21, 1997, this changed.   The Vatican granted permission for the cremated remains of a body to be brought into church for the liturgical rites of burial.  It is still, however, the Church's preference to have the full compliment of funeral rites take place with the body present and then have cremation afterwards.

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Q.  Why doesn't the Church allow cremated remains to be scattered or kept in a home?

A.  The Church believes cremated remains of a body should be treated with the same respect given the human body from which they come.   If cremated remains are not treated with honor and dignity, cremation can allow for disrespect of the human body.   Scattering the ashes deprives loved ones and descendants of the opportunity to visit the remains where they can pray and reflect upon the life and memory of the deceased.  Dividing the cremated remains among family and friends or keeping them in the home seems to diminish the respect for human life and shows a lack of proper respect and dignity for the dead.

Funeral Preferences & Cremated Remains issues offered by the Office of Worship, Diocese of St. Petersburg, 6533 Ninth Ave North, St. Petersburg, Florida

Q.  What is the difference in a Funeral Mass and a Memorial Mass?

 A.  A Funeral Mass is the Mass conducted when the body or cremated remains are present at the church for the priest to bless.  A Memorial Mass is the Mass conducted when the body or cremated remains are not present at the church. 

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Q. Why should I schedule a Funeral Mass?

A.   All too often people say, "Funerals are for the living, not the dead."   For Catholics such a statement is not complete, because the Catholic funeral rites offer us the opportunity to praise and thank God for the love and mercy he has shown the deceased person.  It is also a time where the community of believers prays for the repose of the soul of the deceased, and offers consolation to the surviving family and friends.

     "Christians celebrate the funeral rites to offer worship, praise, and thanksgiving to God for the gift of life which has been returned to God, the author of life and the hope of the just.  The Mass, the memorial of Christ's death and resurrection, is the principal celebration of the Christian funeral." Order of Christian Funerals, para 5. 

Q.  I’ve lost a loved one, but the funeral will not be at St. Stephen.  Should I contact the church? 

A.  Yes, please contact the church to notify us that you have lost a loved one. We would like to offer you our support and prayers at this difficult time.  Our Bereavement Ministry will phone you offering any support you may need and your contact information will be passed on to our After Care program, “A Wing and a Prayer” so that we can help you throughout the year.

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Q.  Is there a list of local funeral homes? 

A.  Yes, these are the funeral homes in our area.

Serenity Meadows Memorial Park, Funeral Home & Crematory
Phone:  (813) 677-9494
6919 Providence Road, Riverview, FL  33569

Southern Funeral Care
Phone:  (813) 671-3121
10510 Riverview Drive, Riverview, FL  33569

Stowers Funeral Home – Brandon Chapel
Phone:  (813) 689-1211
401 W. Brandon Boulevard, Brandon, FL  33511 

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GRIEF SUPPORT – AFTER CARE

 Q. Now that the funeral is over and family and friends have left, how can I receive support in my emptiness and grief?

 A.  Your church family is here to support you.  You and your family are being prayed for daily and there are many people and services open to offering you support during this difficult time.  The Bereavement Ministry has an After Care Program, “A Wing and A Prayer” to offer individual support.  We can also provide you with group grief support information and we have literature to assist you and your family, including prayer booklets & journals for adults, teens & children who are experiencing loss. 

 Please contact your St. Stephen Bereavement Ministry @ 528-3343 or 657-9588 or phone the church directly and they will put you in touch with Bereavement.

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Q. Does St. Stephen offer Grief Counseling?

 A.  St. Stephen has arranged Grief Support Group Counseling offered by a Licensed Grief Counselor with LifePath/Hospice at our Community ROC Center at the church.  The Grief Support Group is for any adult of the community and/or parish who has lost a loved one.  Each session meets weekday evenings for 6-weeks.  Registration is required.  Please call Diane Schnelly of LifePath/Hospice at (813) 357-5609.

Q.  Is there any specialized Grief Counseling available?

 A.  Yes, these are just a few… 

All who have lost a loved one;

Grief Support with Specialized care (groups formed based on type of loss – Specific groups of support include: Children’s Grief Support, Teen Grief Support, Parents Grieving loss of a Child, Suicide Loss, Victims of Crime or Violent Loss )

Contact:      The Life Center of the Suncoast  (813) 237-3114

http://www.lifecenteroftampa.org/services.htm

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Parents who have lost a child;

Grief Support – Bereaved Parents
Contact:  Linda Delk (813) 661-0680

Monthly meetings, newsletters, “Telephone Friends” and counseling; website is very helpful, go to:

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

Parents who have lost a child during pregnancy or at birth;

Grief Support – Amend
Contact:  Karen Frazier (813) 631-9519

Q.  What is the Grief Process?         

The Grief Process offered by http://frpat.com/grief.htm, An informational website regarding Grief & Loss.  Visit the website for additional helpful information, articles and recommended reading.

 Denial [Numbness]. The body protects us from what is really happening. The experience does not seem real. We can go through the motions at the time of loss and sometimes through the time of the funeral as through we are spectators watching from a distance. This can be a stage of bargaining as well, telling God we will do or change anything if the person can be brought back. Over a period of time, reality is faced. It is important to talk about it , not to keep it at a distance with frantic activity, pills or alcohol.

Anger. May be directed at the doctor, nurses, ambulance people, anyone who could have saved the person, at innocent bystanders, God, ourselves, the person who died, the clergy person or even someone else who has not lost that particular relative or loved one.

Guilt. Guilt is anger turned toward ourselves. None of us is as kind, sensitive or thoughtful as we would like to be. We may feel bad about things we have said or done to hurt the person who has died. Since there is not time for apologies, we can be left with unfinished business. In the messy business of daily living, we do the best we can - and thank God for those who love us in our imperfections. Guilt can extend to our failure to see the future or to prevent the death. We can say a million times, "If only . . ." We can even feel guilty when we find ourselves having a good time or forgetting about our grief for a period of time.

Depression. A heavy pall hanging over everything. In our minds nothing will ever be all right again. Depression paralyzes us. The simplest and most ordinary jobs become almost impossible for us to do. Looking forward to tomorrow or anything is impossible. This is the most difficult and frightening stage. We need to strive to talk and to keep those who seem to withdraw from us involved in daily life.

Acceptance. The time emerges when we begin to believe we will make it through. That doesn't mean things will be the same as they were or that we won't miss the person any more, but it means things will be all right. We can talk about the loved one and remember them often, but we go on with life. We can find that our experience of loss can be very helpful to others facing similar losses. As we share their grief with them, we can find that contact healing for us as well.  

The grief stages come and go. Just as we feel we are finished with one, it comes back again. Other people, situations, holidays, news stories, etc. continue to remind us of the person we have lost. We need to remember that what we are feeling is normal. That is crucially important when we experience depression. Help is always available. Please contact the church and/or Bereavement Ministry when you need to talk.  Keep the family talking as well. Know that you remain in our prayers and that we stand ready to do all we can to help you through this difficult time. God Bless!

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 God Cares!

 Sometimes our feelings about God become involved in the process of grieving. We can blame Him for what has happened or wonder why he didn't stop it. We may have come to believe that God punishes us for doing wrong. We may think someone else besides our loved one would be more deserving of death. Those who call and come to the funeral home may say things that confuse and anger us: that the death is God's will, that it is a blessing, that God needed a good person in heaven. Many of us have come to deeper faith through our loss. We have come to believe that God is at least as upset about our loss as we are. After all, He lost His only Son. After all, Jesus stood and wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Even Jesus was not spared death. If we can make it to the point where we don't blame God for what has happened, we can begin receiving the real help he wishes to give us. We can see Him in family and friends to maintain contact and offer to help. We can receive his strength, understanding and consolation when we see Him in those who listen to how we feel. We can experience the joy of Jesus promise of forgiveness and eternal life, even in the times when we struggle the most. We can come to see that God has not abandoned us at all, but that he carries us through the most difficult times.

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God of all consolation,
In your unending love and mercy for us,
You turn the darkness of death into the dawn of new life.
Show compassion to your people in sorrow.
Be our refuge and our strength to lift us
from the darkness of this grief
to peace and joy in your presence.

We ask this through Christ, our Lord.

Amen

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 ALMIGHTY GOD, we rejoice to know
that your reign extends far beyond the limits of this life.
In the mystery of what lies beyond our sight
we pray that your love may complete its work
in those whose days on earth are done;
and grant that we who serve you now in this world
may at last share with them
the glories of your heavenly kingdom;
through the love of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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O God our Father,
Creator of all the living, we entrust to Your gentle care all those we love who have gone before us;
and have gone to their rest in the hope of rising again.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

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Merciful Father, hear our prayer and console us.

As we renew our faith in your Son,
whom you raised from the dead, strengthen our hope that all of our departed brothers and sisters
will share in his resurrection,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.
Amen.

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Dear God,

Thank you for listening to me —
the sorrows that bind my heart
the fears that circle endlessly in my mind
the memories that make me yearn
for yesterdays long gone.

Thank you for listening to me —
my constant pleas for relief
my quest to understand
my insecurities and self-doubt
about unknown tomorrows.

Thank you for listening to me —
as I struggle to regain life’s balance
as I cautiously take each step
as I seek to create a sense of now.

I only ask that you grace me with the patience —
to be still and hear your voice
to trust the fleeting beacons of hope
to know with a deep knowledge
that all will be well again.

Thank you for listening to me.

Help me to listen to You.

Amen.

(www.griefwork.org  National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved)

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 Immortal God, holy Lord, Father and Protector of all You have created, we raise our hearts to
You today for those who have passed out of this mortal life.
In Your loving mercy, Father of all, be pleased to receive them in Your heavenly company, and
forgive the failings and faults they may have done from human frailty.
Your only Son, Christ, our Saviour, suffered so cruelly that He might deliver them from the
second death. By his merits may they share in the glory of His victory over sin and death.
For all the faithful who have died we pray, but in particular for those dear to us, parents,
relatives and friends. nor do we forget all who did good to us while on earth, who helped us by
their prayers, sacrifice and example. We pray also for any who may have done us harm, and
stand in special need of Your forgiveness.
May the merits and prayers of our Virgin Mother, Mary, and those of all the Angels and Saints,
speak for us and assist them now. This we ask in Christ's name.
Amen.

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(www.catholic.org Catholic Online)