Father Mike's Page
What's Happening with Fr. Michael Juran

Latest Update: August 11,2008

Hello to all my readers...just to let you know I am about to slip away for some R&R...you know the usual...relaxing on the lanai with a good book, a tasty cigar, and my old friend "Jack"! When I return I will be 60 and one more year closer to my retirement! See ya then!

   I was rummaging through my old files once again and found these minutes of my first parish council meeting I attended as a newly ordained priest...we're speaking early '70's...minutes of an extraordinary meeting of the St. Prometheus Parish Council convened at the special request of the Right Reverend George McMann, pastor and honorary chairman of the Council. All members of the board were present, plus a non-voting attendance of interested parties numbering approximately 680 (janitor's estimate) or virtually the entire registered adult population of the parish. The meeting was called to order at 7:30 p.m. in the school gym-cafeteria complex by Dr. Clive Barnes, D.D.S., council president, who introduced Monsignor McMann as the first, and as it happened, only speaker of the evening.

MSGR. McMANN: Well, we all turned out for this one, didn't we? You don't have to be Hans Kung or Karl Rahner to figure that this isn't Forty Hours Devotion. I haven't seen so many of you in one spot at one time since we played ten-dollar-a-card bingo for that yellow Caddy back in '57. In my seminary days old Father Burke, God rest his tough old soul, used to tell us: "There's nothing like sex or money to bring'em up out of the woodwork." And I was still so wet behind the ears that I didn't know what he meant.

But I didn't come all the way back from Florida to joke. Any time I interrupt my winter vacation you can bet it's no laughing matter. Next to atheistic Communism, sex is the most disgusting, insidious force at work in the world today. Now I know that a lot of you out there don't take sin very seriously anymore. I know that there are women in this parish who swallow contraceptive pills and then parade up to Communion on Sunday morning like so many lilies of the valley. They've got a million cute little excuses for the confessional--when they bother to confess it at all. The pill regulates this and stabilizes that, and doctor so-and-so says they simply couldn't live without it. But they know and I know that they're taking them because they want to have their cake and eat it too. Disgusting pandering to animal appetites--that's all it is!

No, I can't expect people who laugh and sneer at the teaching of our infallible Holy Father to worry about sex, or Communism, for that matter. And the two are more closely linked than some of you wise guy liberals out there realize. It wasn't the John Birch Society that introduced sex education for innocent little grade school children. I can tell you that. The fact that the Commies have worked their will on the public school system doesn't surprise me in the least. I'm not surprised, either, that now they're trying to infect the last bastion of decency left in this country--our good white Catholic schools. What does surprise and shock me is to see some of our very own sisters and one of my own assistants not only taken in by the plot but working actively to foment it. How far they're actually involved in this I haven't been able to determine but I were them I wouldn't be ordering any return address labels for next year.

I want to stop right here and now and thank Doctor Barnes not just for calling this special meeting tonight but for phoning me long distance to let me know what was going on back here. It's getting so a person can't get away for a few weeks without things going to hell on wheels. As I understand it, all the children in the sixth, seventh and eighth grades were to be exposed to a series of films called "The Great Adventure," which is the fancy name some pervert thought up to camouflage some of the filthiest sex movies you can imagine. Some people actually wanted to screen those films here tonight "so the parents can decide for themselves," but I can assure you that I'm not going to have that on my conscience or put a lot of innocent people in the direct occasion of serious mortal sin.

You'll just have to take the word of an old and experienced confessor that these films--and there are so-called "correlated reading materials" as well, just as filthy--that this stuff is not kidding around about birds, bees, flowers and storks. No sir and no mam! They pull it right straight from the gutter, the real undiluted stuff--male and female private parts in living color; sperm swimming around fertilizing everything in sight; ovaries discharging right before your very eyes; pictures of a baby being born; pictures of nasty little cells in the very act of dividing. That's the sort of stuff they want to project on our classroom walls, right up there under the crucifix, in full view of the statue of Our Blessed Lady conceived without sin!

Now I know that there are many good souls here tonight and I apologize for having to talk of such disgusting things in front of a mixed audience. In the old days a word to the head of the Holy Name Society would have been sufficient. But now we've got collegiality and co-responsibility and it's not always so pleasant, is it? I can see that many of you are genuinely as shocked as I am. If it affects you that way just think what it would do to the tender souls of our little ones.

But there are some here who think I'm old-fashioned and authoritarian. One mother even went so far as to tell me that she'd rather have her girl shocked than pregnant. Well, you can ask Dr. Barnes and the members of the Parish Council--most of them--and they'll tell you that I'm as open-minded and progressive as they come. I don't know what-all foolishness I've already gone along with in the past ten years from ripping out our $50, 000 Italian marble Communion rail to letting the CCD kids invite Jews and Protestants to the parish teen dance. But I will not, I cannot stand still for this. There will be no "Great Adventure" films shown in our parish school. There will be no sex education courses of any kind in my school--ever--period! You can argue and whine and stamp your liberal-hippie feet until they're sore, but it won't change my mind. There will be no further discussion of the matter and there will be no vote taken here tonight.

Now let's all rise and close the meeting with a prayer to St. Thomas Aquinas who drove the harlot from his room with a burning faggot.